in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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