I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
