I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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