This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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