If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
