I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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