hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so that wasnt chicken after all
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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