I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
