Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
