she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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