before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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