I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
