Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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