you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
