Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
