he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
