I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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