Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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