She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So gin and wine won't be happening again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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