I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize