if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
