and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
