We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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