I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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