Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
