Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
