i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
