Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
