The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
