next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
