1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
