It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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