You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
