I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
