Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
