Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
