I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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