can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
