Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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