she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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