How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
