Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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