who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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