If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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