Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
