I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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