he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
