My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
