I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
