I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
God I need to hump something, right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
