i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
