So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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