he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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