I hate your face
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
