the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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