words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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