I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
