trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
