Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
