she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
