After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
