My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
