I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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