I cockslap morals
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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