Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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