franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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