That's when you crack a 10am beer
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
