actually, I'm a sock model
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
