Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
