we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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