You can't motorboat a personality
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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