DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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