addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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