I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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