YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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