just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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