Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
