Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize